Umm Can You Repeat That God??

I have been doing a little self exploration lately. I am planning on taking a couple of days soon to be away from my life of routine and just be alone. I am going to a place where I can be quiet, be still and basically just be. While I am out and away I want to meditate on the things I feel are what make me up. I also want to spend some time seeking direction from God on the parts of me that need to increase and develop more. One of the areas that has been heavy on my heart, and kind of heart breaking at the same time, is my faith. I think everyone would like to say that they are a spiritual giant in terms of faith. I mean why not, it is one of our spiritual foundations after all. I will be the first to say that I have faith. I have every reason to believe. I have seen some incredible, miraculous things in my lifetime that can only be attributed to God. Yet of all of the foundations of my belief in God, I would say that the one I struggle with the most is faith. More specifically I struggle with my faith as it relates to me. God can tell me He is going to heal someone or deliver someone or tell me to speak something into someone's life and it is all good. No problem there. I struggle when God talks to me about me.

God: Mike, you are going to do such and such thing (some off the wall, out of character, somebody-anybody-better-than-me-should-be-doing-this thing) and you need to prepare for it now.
Me: Umm can you repeat that God?!? Then can you follow it up with a sign or a wonder? You know who you are talking to right? It's me Mike, in Chino Hills? And that sign or wonder can you make it kind of big so that I know it's really You?

I know what I have been called to do and that the time is coming really close to now for it to start happening. I feel it in my spirit and in my heart--that longing feeling of discontentment with life as it is now. Sometimes I wonder if God really knew what He was doing when He called me. It's hard to remember sometimes that God calls us in our weakness and vulnerability so that He can demonstrate His God-ness. There would be no testimony or glory to give Him if I did something on my own that I could do on my own.

People say it is the first step that is the hardest. I am not sure that is true. The first step is an easy one. You are not so far in that you still can't turn around and say "just kidding." It is every step that comes after the first that is the hard and every step in succession becomes the hardest. It is so because with each step you go deeper into a plan or a purpose that may not seem logical to you when you are following God. You become deeper in involvement and deeper in commitment with each step after the first, making your investment greater. Often with following the leading of the Holy Spirit we don't know what we are investing ourselves in. We simply need to know that regardless of the way it looks and seems to other people, and even how it looks and seems to us, we are simply trusting in One that we trust with our soul and heart to lead, guide and use us for His purpose.

Weakness. Vulnerability. Trust. Father I pray that You grant me the measure of faith I need to work as You have called and strength I need to take each step after the first.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.
Mike