I had a Stroke

Yesterday was a big two week anniversary for me. It was the anniversary of something life changing and something that has left its mark on me forever. Two weeks ago yesterday at 3:34 PM I had a stroke. Over the course of the next two hours it would be the first of at least two strokes that I would have that day. The tests would come to show that the strokes I had that day were not the first ones that I had. There was some damage that was visible in the MRI which is evidence that there was at least one (possibly more) stroke that left its mark on my brain. To make things more interesting the MRI also showed that I had had strokes on both sides of my brain unlike most people who only usually have them on one side. I have had stroke-like symptoms for the last year and a half--though none of the tests has ever shown that I actually had them. I have had several tests done MRI's, EEG's, CT Scans, EKG's, Echos, Sonograms, Ultrasounds, EMG, TEE, and none of them have been able to tell the doctors what was causing my numbness and loss of muscle strength--that is until now. Though it sucks to have had a stroke, now they know what is wrong with me and they can treat it. I am on blood thinners and most likely will be for the rest of my life, and with that comes the weekly blood tests or $20 finger prick to make sure my blood is thin but not to thin. Out of all of this I am more sure today than I was two weeks ago that God has a plan for my life, because what could have disabled me for the rest of my life has indeed left no lasting damage in my body function or brain processes. To not give Him the glory and praise for such a personal miracle would be just silly. He takes care of those who serve Him.

Whirlwind Stop!

I imagine as a whirlwind gets stronger it gets bigger. I don't know for certain, but I picture it getting more devastating as it grows and needs more space to destroy. The headache that won't quit for me is often the result of the the mind that won't rest. When that mind that won't rest does not rest for days on end, the headache that won't quit needs more room to grow into and overflows in my neck and back. That's where I am at today. there is so much going on around me and only some of it is mine. I need to put it all down on paper and attack it one thing at a time. But then the war starts as the things in my head fight to see who is going down on the paper first and then to see which item is going to get crossed off first. I can't take it much more the whirlwind stops tonight. I need rest.

Matthew 18:3 Revisited

I just finished a post with Matthew 18:3. I think it was more of a mind clearing than a post. I needed to get that all out of my head before I could post what I was really thinking on that verse. Here it is in the NIV :3 "Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." And now in The Message(v2-5): "For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me. "

Think of a little child. Innocent. Pure. Trusting. Loyal. Naive. Ignorant. Those last two descriptors aren't meant to be to mean spirited--they are meant to be positive and in the same light as the first two adjectives. The innocence and purity of the whole becoming like a child thing really isn't as hard as it may seem. Dedication, will power and self discipline can all lead to those things if they are applied to our lives. The parts that seem almost unattainable are the trusting, loyalty, naivete, and ignorance. How is that we are supposed to become like a child in these situations. How do you unlearn hurt, pride, anger, and fear? How do you learn to trust when you have been let down so many times before? Beyond that, how do you learn to trust someone and something you can't see? How do you unlearn the outcomes to situations you have played out in your life time and time again? How do you rely on someone to take care of you when you have fended for yourself for so long? These questions are the battleground that has to be crossed before someone can become like a child again.

The Message version breaks it down nicely. It says we have to become "simple and elemental" again. Childhood broken down to its elements. That's tough. I can tell you I would love to be there completely. I would love to be at that point in my life right now. I am ready to resign from being an adult. Just when I think I have reached that point though, something comes up in my life when I feel the need to become the navigator and all mighty in my life again. I feel at times like a hypocrite because it is almost as I know what it says in the Word and I can preach it and believe it for you, but when it comes to me I always miss the mark. It's normal, I know. But I am not one for normal I want to be extraordinary. Really at this point in my life I just want to know God is in charge and be content with it. I want to be able to resist the urge to take control back because I don't feel things are going the right way or going fast enough for me. I want the childlike faith I know exists in me to be the only faith I have and live. Pray for me and I'll pray for you because I know I am not the only one.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!
Mike

The Beginning of the End

I was on the way to pick up dinner tonight when I saw it. I looked in the rearview mirror and there it was. I had one single solitary white hair in my beard. It is official. I am older than I feel. White hairs are just like ants. Where there is one there is more on the way. I had a good run being young. It was cool while it lasted.

Umm Can You Repeat That God??

I have been doing a little self exploration lately. I am planning on taking a couple of days soon to be away from my life of routine and just be alone. I am going to a place where I can be quiet, be still and basically just be. While I am out and away I want to meditate on the things I feel are what make me up. I also want to spend some time seeking direction from God on the parts of me that need to increase and develop more. One of the areas that has been heavy on my heart, and kind of heart breaking at the same time, is my faith. I think everyone would like to say that they are a spiritual giant in terms of faith. I mean why not, it is one of our spiritual foundations after all. I will be the first to say that I have faith. I have every reason to believe. I have seen some incredible, miraculous things in my lifetime that can only be attributed to God. Yet of all of the foundations of my belief in God, I would say that the one I struggle with the most is faith. More specifically I struggle with my faith as it relates to me. God can tell me He is going to heal someone or deliver someone or tell me to speak something into someone's life and it is all good. No problem there. I struggle when God talks to me about me.

God: Mike, you are going to do such and such thing (some off the wall, out of character, somebody-anybody-better-than-me-should-be-doing-this thing) and you need to prepare for it now.
Me: Umm can you repeat that God?!? Then can you follow it up with a sign or a wonder? You know who you are talking to right? It's me Mike, in Chino Hills? And that sign or wonder can you make it kind of big so that I know it's really You?

I know what I have been called to do and that the time is coming really close to now for it to start happening. I feel it in my spirit and in my heart--that longing feeling of discontentment with life as it is now. Sometimes I wonder if God really knew what He was doing when He called me. It's hard to remember sometimes that God calls us in our weakness and vulnerability so that He can demonstrate His God-ness. There would be no testimony or glory to give Him if I did something on my own that I could do on my own.

People say it is the first step that is the hardest. I am not sure that is true. The first step is an easy one. You are not so far in that you still can't turn around and say "just kidding." It is every step that comes after the first that is the hard and every step in succession becomes the hardest. It is so because with each step you go deeper into a plan or a purpose that may not seem logical to you when you are following God. You become deeper in involvement and deeper in commitment with each step after the first, making your investment greater. Often with following the leading of the Holy Spirit we don't know what we are investing ourselves in. We simply need to know that regardless of the way it looks and seems to other people, and even how it looks and seems to us, we are simply trusting in One that we trust with our soul and heart to lead, guide and use us for His purpose.

Weakness. Vulnerability. Trust. Father I pray that You grant me the measure of faith I need to work as You have called and strength I need to take each step after the first.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.
Mike

This Is My Life...

I have been really introspective lately. I dont know why and I am not sure that I like it. Not that I dont like self examination, it's just that I know it leads to change and I am not all that big of a fan of change. I really listened to the words of the Switchfoot song some time ago and the words are stuck in my head..."This is your life are you who you want to be?" So that is my question I ask myself every morning and every chance that I get now when I think of some of the parts of my life that make me, well, me. I am going to take some time here and write about them as they come to mind. Not because I want anyone to read them , but obviously I don't care if anyone does because I am posting them here, but because I want to be able to come back to what I have written and see just how I am measuring mylife. This is the Measurement of Mike afterall! I think I am really doing this because I am growing out of my comfort zone and I know I am capable of so much more and called to much more than I am doing now. I dont know what I expect to find...yeah I do i just think I dont want to see it. Here I go....

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!
Mike

I like Starbucks--Not This Much

I like Starbucks--Alot! I pass several of them on my way to various places. I am a regular at several stores--I spend alot of time writing in the ones near my house and I chill in one while mom gets her dialysis done. Never ever would I have ever thought to hit all of the Starbucks in my area in one day. This guy did though! I think he hit something like 171 stores in the Manhattan area. Crazy Caffeine Junky! That is just a cry for help. Check it:





Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!
Mike

I Exist...

About a week or so ago I wrote a post about needing sometimes to know that I exist. We are surrounding by all kinds of things in our world that can make us seem insignificant. I just needed to know that I was was leaving my impression on this world. How amazing is it that yesterday in the mail I received this:

All I can say is wow and thank you. I know I exist.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!

Mike

Lost Connection

Sometime in the last week I have lost the connection between my mind and my hands. I have had a lot of thoughts that I thought I would like to write down here on my blog but I just couldn't muster up the energy or motivation to crack open my computer. I write here not because I care about a readership or "link love"; I write here because I have always enjoyed going back and reading what I was thinking about or feeling on a particular day. It is kind of a measurement of growth (or sometimes non growth) for me. I wanted to have something that I could go back and measure my life with. There has just been something holding me back lately and I quite frankly it is a little irritating now. I have found myself becoming short with people and allowing my thoughts to run from me and get into a whole lot of trouble before I can reign them back into the submission of Christ. I would like to attribute it to a breakthrough that I am gonna experience soon and the enemy is trying to discourage me from pressing into it. I am not really sure. There is a lot going on in my life, but not too much that should have me feeling nasty. I am most definitely not the only one that goes through something like this, I would love to know what people do themselves to get out of slumps. You never know what people go through unless you ask and most of the time you would never even imagine half of the stuff they are going through.

Books, Their Covers, and Judging Them

Some of my friends and I were having a conversation about the way we wished we looked. The conversation turned to the impressions that we gave to people when we first met them. One of my friends said “you should never judge a book by its cover.” That is a very idealistic and true statement. We should never judge a person by just the way they look. But is that not what we have been taught to do? Doesn’t come in handy sometimes? I mean simply crossing the street because someone is from a different ethnic background as you, maybe isn’t the best or nicest thing to do. But let’s just say that the person you wanted to avoid by crossing the street was carrying a knife. Absolutely judge that book and cross the street. Not all of our life situations are that extreme. I know I have been judged to quickly and have been completely taken the wrong way. I used to be a manager for a very large company. Most of the time when I was at work, especially if was taking over a new facility, I was all business. I am a big guy, have a loud voice and I can be intimidating sometimes. On a first glance or during a first encounter depending on the situation I can be quickly taken as a complete jerk, a hard nosed, no fun guy. When it came down to business I was all about the business and accomplishing goals, that’s what made me good. What separated me from most of the other good leaders that I worked with is that I cared about my associates beyond their eight hours they worked for me. It was not uncommon for me to take someone into my office to just chat. I checked in with them and how their lives were going outside of the job. Not because I was nosy but I understood that their lives at work and outside of work affect each other. Someone has a bad day at home, they come in to work and take it out on our customers. Someone has a bad day at work they go home and kick the dog. It was important for me to teach my associates the balance that I had learned. Some of the associates couldn’t believe I was interested because no one had ever expressed an interest in their lives before. I wasn’t really a jerk as I was a good boss and leader. I guess I said all this to say that some books need to be judged, they need to get that quick once over and be categorized quickly. Once we have judged it by its cover we also need to commit to taking the time to give it an in depth look to see if it can add something to our lives.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.
Mike

Sterile Blogging

So wireless connections are great. I have used them in hotels, coffe shops and houses. One place I never thought I would use it is a hospital. And that is exactly where I am blogging from right now. In fact from here:

Pomona Valley Hospital Medical Center. We had a good day yesterday. My sister came over with her family and brought some BBQ from Nick's Taste of Texas. Their food is the best I have had in a while as far as BBQ goes. It could just be the fact that I have been on Nutrisystem for almost a month now. So anyway back to the hospital story. My mom felt weak on one side and her blood pressure was crazy low so after a fight with her we finally decided to call the ambulance. They are still running tests to see what the deal is and I have officially been up for more than 24 hours--I am cranky as all heck right now. Just pray with us for a speedy recovery.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!

Mike

I've Decided...

AMERICAN IDOL SUCKS!!!! I should have quit watching when they got rid of some of my earlier favorites. That way I wouldn't be so pissed right now. I think I am actually pissed that I am pissed about American Idol to begin with. Melinda was my favorite--she should have been a star a long time ago! Here are a few of my favorite Melinda Moments:

Relationship Triangle

I have no idea what the deal is with me hearing so much on making a relationship successful. I certainly hope the Big Guy in the sky is not trying to prep me for something. He said He would give me the desires of my heart not the opposite..."yea though I walk through the valley of relationships, I will fear no committment..." Any way here is something that I heard the other night that really made sense to me. I called it the relationship triangle.

Basically the way it works is the people in the relationship are Persons A&B obviously. Individually they decide in their relationship to get closer to God. As they get closer to God traveling up the triangle, they are ultimately getting closer to each other since the distance between them is getting smaller as well. It just made sense to me and looked even clearer when I made it a picture. I really hope I am not hearing this stuff for me. If you are reading this please pray that Almighty God will spare me from a realtionship! =)

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!

Mike

10 Things I Hate About You...

I have some things that really irk me--like people who chew ice, or pop their gum or chew with their mouths open. Pretty much any noise that you make with your mouth irritates me and just grates on my nerves. I heard an interesting way to deal with things that bother you tonight. It was actually geared towards people who are in realtionships. The advice was to go and make a list of all the things that bug you about a person or just bug you in general. Then instead of confronting the person with the list so they can work on it, you keep the list yourself and work on not being bothered by those things. Instead of starting a confrontation and asking a person to change themselves for your benefit, you look inward and change the only person you have control over--Yourself! Good bit of advice =)

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!
Mike