Right Now..

I have been accused of being childish on more than one occasion. It was probably well deserved as I have often wished I had some of my childhood and childlike instincts back. It was good to be a kid. I didn't have to deal with all this yucky adult stuff that I am facing right now. Paying bills, finding the faith to hold on to the dreams and calling God has given. Finding the faith to believe that what seems impossible is indeed possible. At least when I was a kid I knew what I was going to be when I grew up. I find myself now at 31 asking myself what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Rather I find myself asking God what He is going to do with the rest of my life. When He speaks is usually when I need that childlike faith to believe that it will all come to pass. Being a kid was great. I knew I was going to eat but didn't have to worry about where the groceries were going to come from. I knew I had a place to sleep but didn't have to worry about the mortgage that had to be paid to make sure I could have that place to sleep. I flipped on the light switch and the lights came on, I didn't think about the light bill being paid. I had new clothes to wear but didn't have to wonder what was going to be sacrificed in the budget that month to be able to have the money to buy the clothes. I want that kind of faith and trust again. In a way this is a testament to my mother, the single woman that raised three kids alone in a middle class neighborhood and kept us in the lifestyle we were always accustomed to. We knew money was tight at times but I don't think we ever really knew just how tight it was or the sacrifices she made for us to have what we had. I want to be a child again. I need that faith. I know it will all be OK because it always is. But this time I want to feel it.

"Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3